Speak Up
by SweetestSuicide
Summary: Here we stood, staring at each other in silent. Her golden orbs staring into the depth of my soul, and her lips were pressed tightly in a tight line as if to prevent her from slipping something that I wasn’t supposed to hear.


**Speak Up**

_Speak up, your silence is killing me_

_I've had enough, baby speak up_

_Are you loving or hating me?_

'_Cause I can never tell_

Here we stood in the middle of the meadow that I had once shared with Edward. He wasn't here, he had left me and destroyed this wonderful memory that we shared on this greenish and beautiful meadow – now it was just a brown patch of baked meadow. Here we stood, staring at each other in silent. Her golden orbs staring into the depth of my soul, and her lips were pressed tightly in a tight line as if to prevent her from slipping something that I wasn't supposed to hear. I wanted to hear it, because she came back to me when I was trying to see if this meadow was still alive. Unfortunately, it was completely dead, and fortunately she had come to me. Her eyes were of concern, and she was staring at me with relief. What was she thinking?

_I'll be the first to admit it_

_Been silent for a minute_

_Thinking like damn is he feeling me_

_We fell in love for a second_

_But now I'm always checking_

'_Cause I never hear you say what you really think_

We had been silent for far too long. It got me to think about Edward, and what he was feeling for me. I know that he didn't love me anymore, he had said it right before me with so much conviction in his voice that had got me to believe him. I did believe him, it was his words against mine. When we were together, I was both comfortable and uncomfortable. I was comfortable because he was with me and not with anyone else. I was uncomfortable because he could leave me if he wanted to, and now my fear had arrived and thrived through my heart. It was as if the fear had consumed my heart, and all but put a very high doubt of Edward's love for me. But right now, all I ever wanted to hear was what Alice's thoughts about Edward's love for me. Did she hate me, enough to come back to rid of my existence because I had broken Edward's heart? – In which I didn't even know about. Or did she come back, because she loves me, as much as I love her?

_Some days I feel it then I feel it's over_

_Some days were harder then some days were colder_

_When you open up, our love is alive_

_But now you're quiet, I'm dying inside_

I remembered the time when we were together – the time when all of her family was still here. I loved and cherished the time that we spent together, even though the majority of my time was spent with Edward. I was grateful though, because the more time I spent with Edward, the more that I realized that I wasn't _**in**_ love with him. I found the idea of being in love with him fascinating, just like he found the idea of watching me sleep fascinating.

My eyes didn't catch Edward on the day that Jessica had introduced her family to me. That time seemed to be so long ago, but to me it was as if it happened only yesterday. She walked inside the cafeteria, towing Jasper along behind her. I didn't really care about Jasper then, when my eyes were fixated on her – and her only. The way that she walked, the way that she smiled, and the way that her eyes glinted with both amusement and excitement. Her lips were of a rosy red, and they looked so soft that I just wanted to experience them having to touch my lips. Her eyes were of gorgeous honey gold that I wanted to drown myself into. Her short jet black hair that was pointed in every direction, the only jet black hair that I wanted to run my hand through.

Sometimes I wish that I had Edward's ability, even if I was human. I just wanted to know her thoughts about me. I wanted to know why she always tried to steal me away from Edward, only to take me to the mall or have crazy movie marathons with me. I didn't mind all of that, as long as I was with her, and I would be pleasantly content about it. But now she was giving me the silent treatment, and I was threading to break it. I didn't know what to do though. Shout at her, demanding for an answer that I wanted to know for all of my time here in Forks? Pull her into an embrace, and never letting her go? I didn't know which to choose, especially when I was feeling so numb now. She was here, standing before me, not uttering a word. I was with her, staring at her while the insides of my body churned and burned with anxiety. In a way, I was slowly dying inside.

_So baby speak up_

'_Cause your silent is killing me_

_I've had enough, baby speak up_

_Are you loving me, or hating me?_

'_Cause I can never tell, I can never tell_

Why couldn't she tell me the reason for her return? Why couldn't she tell me the reason she left without a word? Did she know how hard it was not to leave Edward right there and then when he announced that his whole family was moving away, and not to run to find her? And now she wasn't even speaking! It was frustration, and I know that she was sensing my frustration because her eyes flashed into those of apologetic ones. She was killing me with her silent, and all I ever wanted to know was the reason for her to be here. She could just not return, so I wouldn't feel the feeling of death. She could just not return, and let me die like Edward had left me in the forest…to die.

_Just let your heart say what you can't say (speak up)_

_Let your heart say what you won't say (speak up)_

_Don't let the silence tear us apart_

'_Cause I can never tell, I can never tell_

_If you don't speak up_

I felt my heart thumping rapidly from inside its ribcage. My patient was as its limit, and I didn't know why she was testing my patient. I was still human – a mere, fragile human. I wasn't a vampire, I didn't have that extensive amount of patient that they had. Why couldn't she know that she had stolen my heart away – away from my hands and away from Edward's hands before he could even touch it? Here we stood, still not uttering a word to each other as the silence was slowly tearing us apart. I was debating whether to turn and walk or way, or to stay and continue to stare at her. I know that she was seeing my decisions as they danced back and forth. There was finally something different on her facial expression. Alice was frowning, and I know why. She was either getting a headache from my indecisive choices, or she was getting frustrated because I couldn't make up my mind. She needed to speak up, or else I'd lose my mind.

_I don't know where you've been_

_But nothing's making sense, I'm standing on this fence for you_

_And even when you're here, somehow you disappear_

_If I can read your mind, I'd know just what to do_

"Bella…" Finally, she spoke. Finally, her sweet, melodious voice reached my ears. I succumbed to the sound of it, for I hadn't heard it for months. I wanted to know where she had been. I wanted to know how she could just leave me like that. I wanted to know why she had returned. I wanted to know everything, and so I made my decision to ask.

"Al…" I was cut short when she was no longer there. She disappeared, just like that, she had joined the freezing breeze that had just gone passed me. She had left again. Again! Without much of a farewell. Her voice, which that had uttered my name, was still ringing in my mind. It was the only source that told me she was here, right in front of me. I felt tears stinging my eyes, and in less than a second they spilt from my eyes freely like rapid streams.

_I'll be out the door before the sun comes up_

_Catch me if you can while I'm pumping that clutch_

_(Try) Try to be the one, (I) gave it all I got_

_(I'm) giving you your last chance (If you don't speak up)_

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of this meadow, to get away from her. I turned quickly on my heels, and sprinted out of the meadow and towards my ancient truck. It didn't take long before I was seated on my driver seat. It didn't take long before I was slamming my foot on the gas pedal, and speeding down on the winding road. I was going to head back home, and back into the warm cocoon of my room. I know that she would be able to see it, because I was letting her know where I'd be. I've been doing things that I haven't even thought about. It was just based on my instincts. My instincts that would soon to lead me to my end. This would be her last chance to tell me what was going on. This would be her last chance to make it right. If I was willing to throw my life away, then I guess I was willing to throw her away as well. She had a simple choice, when I had the hard one.

_Say all the words that you never said_

_Write all the letters that I never read_

_Show me your words or the love is dead_

_Just want to hear it from you_

I arrived at home shortly. I entered the house, and didn't take much of a glance around the house when I just bolted up the stairs. My room was in view and I entered it a short moment later. Just as I had hoped, she stood there just in front of my window, in my room. She was looking at me, and I saw the corner of her lips tugged into a smile. Somehow I felt as if I was hallucinating. Somehow I felt as if she was playing with my mind. She had gone with her family, didn't she not? Why was she here of all places?

"Alice, I know that you know I want answers. Please, don't run away this time." I murmured, pleadingly, and as quietly as my human footsteps would allow me, I approached her slowly. She just stood there with her eyes watching every of my movement. I stopped myself when I was only half an arm length from her, and gazed into her eyes. I was trying to decipher the codes that she was sending towards me with just her eyes, but it was hard to when I had no hint.

"I'm here to stay." She responded, her words were soft and convincing. I let myself to believe her, because she would never, ever lie to me. That I know of.

"Good." I smiled and closed the small distance between us. I didn't know what we were anymore, especially when she had left me like that. Best friends? No, we weren't best friends. I had always looked at her, and wanted her in a way that Edward had wanted me, but only more. And now, she was looking at me, her eyes matching my desire and want. We weren't best friends anymore, we were about to become something more. Something that both of us know that we couldn't go back on.

She smiled back – the smile reached her eyes now – and took one final step forward to close the space between us. I wanted answers, I know I said that. But she could give me one answer that would answer all of these questions. Only one answer, and I would be happy for the rest of my life. Her hands reached out, and soon they were clasped gently on my hips, pulling me closer to her. Her eyes stayed on mine as she inched her face upwards towards mine, standing on just the tip of her toes just to reach her destination. If it was possible, my heart was beating so fast that it was pounding against its entrapment, ferociously trying to get out.

"Bella…" Her breath was intoxicating, and I could live off of her breath for the rest of my human life. I know, it wasn't to be possible but having the thought there could make it impossible for it to be impossible, if that would make any sense at all.

Then her lips found mine, and all was lost. I succumbed to the feeling of her lips. I succumbed to her scent. I succumbed to everything that was her. This was the answer that I was hoping I might get. I sounded selfish, I know, but I only wanted to know if she would ever going to return my feelings before I would do something reckless. I know that she wouldn't be able to see the decision that I had made when Edward had left me. I had nothing now, not when Alice was still with Jasper. I couldn't tear their marriage away. So if I couldn't have her, if I had lost everything, there was no reason for me to live on. She had spoken her true feelings through the one simple kiss. That was satisfying enough for me. Tomorrow would be the day that my human existence will end. Tomorrow, she might – or might not – see me for one last time.

* * *

_A/N: I owe nothing but the idea of writing this up. The song is called Speak Up by Kristina DeBarge. As you can see, it's set in New Moon and on that dying patch of a meadow. So instead of Bella meeting Laurent, she met Alice. And the rest is history from there. Thanks for reading. =]_


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